Tuesday, March 29, 2011

5. The Glove Fits - That's All That Matters

Difficulty level: Easy

Gloves. They can add that extra something special to your douchey look when worn correctly.  By correctly, of course, we mean black, thin, and contoured to your hands. Black leather driving gloves are the perfect friends for a doucehbag.

Few people know the full history of the driving glove. It was initially worn to keep the hands clean of those who were driving motor cars. After the automobile began to gain popularity, racing them against one another took off (pun not intended). The steering wheels for the race car drivers were made of wood, just as conventional early automobiles. As a result, driving gloves were used here to gain control of the vehicle.

Today driving gloves have three main functions:
  • They increase your grip.
  • They provide a better sense and feel of the road
  • They protect your hands
Here are three different, but no less important, functions of driving gloves:
  • Scaring others. Put the gloves on and slowly make a fist one finger at a time, then release your fist one finger at a time. Do this a few times while using your other hand to pull at the end of the glove around your wrist and the person in front of you can release up to an ounce of adrenaline straight into their heart.
  • Preventing fingerprints. You never know when you might need this...  Just think of it as an extra perk.
  • Driving gloves just look badass and douchey. They add an aura of sophistication. Not to mention that they show you appreciate and understand the history of how they came to be.
Now, you may ask, “How do I know I am buying a proper pair of black driving gloves?” The answer is simple. Follow these steps to make sure you buy a pair that will will be perfect:

  • Make sure the colour of the gloves are indeed black - not some offset, no other colours, nothing. Pure black.
  • Make sure that the gloves are real leather. No faux leather or pleather junk...you want these babies to be real. Real leather wears better than vinyl and will show character with age. Fake leather either never wears out or it wears out entirely. Either way, nothing ruins your douchebag image faster than fake leather gloves.  Real leather is where it is at. Furthermore, an animal was killed for you. Think about the value that this adds. A woman (or a man - remember, equality here) took time to hunt down your animal, then skinned it, brought it back to a store, cleaned the skin, seasoned it, sent it to be coloured, then prepped it for the seamstress, who then cut the leather and then sewed it into the masterpiece that you see in front of you. When you hold the gloves, think about the time and effort and work that it took to make what you hold in your hands. In addition, as stated in Law of Nature #32, when an animal is killed for the benefit of a man (women are included in that term), the life force of said animal will therein be transferred to the individual wearing the animal.  Basically it just makes you significantly more awesome.  Or...you can buy some cheap piece of shit.  Your call. 
  • Make sure the glove is tight. And we mean tight. The glove is suppose to stretch out as you wear it. You should be able to get your hands into the glove and make a fist, but aside from that, you should feel a lot of tightness. The leather will slowly stretch and conform to your hands. This will make the glove appear more contoured.
  • Make sure the driving glove has open knuckles and an open back for maximum flexibility and for ventilation. The open back is especially great if the driving gloves are longer and you still need to be able to see your chronograph (Don’t know what that is? - We will be writing about it soon).
Now, armed with your knowledge of driving gloves, go buy a pair and experience a part of history for yourself.  While you are at it, do a favor to those around you by educating them about this often overlooked accessory. They will thank you for it once you explain to them what and impact it has had on you.

1 comment:

  1. Black leather driving gloves are the perfect friends for a doucehbag. Few people know the full history of the driving glove. It was initially worn to ... ddrivergloves.blogspot.com