Wednesday, April 13, 2011

6. The Essential Cologne

Difficulty level: Easy

Cologne. If used correctly, it can unlock the world for you. And by world, we of course mean panties.  Do it wrong, and you may not be able to close that business deal or score with that chick (even if she is a single mom).  

Whether or not you are a young stud or a seasoned businessman, smelling good is essential for  every douchebag - no pun intended. Cologne began it’s role back in the day when people didn’t bathe everyday. The royal families wanted to smell good so they would get concentrated extracts of oils and lather themselves up in it. They even had distinctive colognes created for them, which were their signature scents. Here at, we each have our own distinctive signatures scents as well and we recommend that you get one too. Others will argue that having a few colognes to rotate is ideal; we think if you have a winning scent, you should stick to it.

Cologne should only be applied to the body, never clothing or a material good. Ever notice that the same cologne tends to smell different on different people? It’s true. A person’s own smells and pheromones mix in with the smell of the cologne and produce something distinct. Make sure to spray your body and not your clothing so that you can produce this distinctive alluring scent that is your very own. As a side note, applying cologne to anything but the body will cause it to fade more quickly and possibly stain your clothing.  As you know, a true douchebag does not stand for stains.

So, where should you apply the cologne? Hot spots. Always apply cologne to the parts of the body that release the most heat. Heat activates the cologne chemicals and allows for the smell to be more prevalent and last longer. The best parts of the body for men and women to apply scents are the wrists, neck, and behind the ears. Careful not to spray too much; you will smell like you just bathed in a vat of cologne, ensuring that your evening ends in isolated, lonely, failure.

Applying cologne behind the ears is advantageous particularly if you are in a noisy environment (like a club) and the member of the opposite sex has to lean in to whisper (or shout) in your ear.   They will notice the cologne, and as you should know, scents are among the strongest triggers for memories. Use this to your advantage and use a cologne that will more likely than not trigger a happy memory. As you know, happy memories are the wrench which you will use to loosen the bolt that is the panties. For example, a nice summer scent that reminds people of the beach and ocean may encourage happy thoughts, connoting you to these ideas. It shouldn’t necessarily smell like a beach or ocean, but you get the idea.

You also want a cologne that most other guys don’t have. Picture this scenario: a chick breaks up with a guy because he is unfaithful. She swears she will have nothing to do with him ever again. Whether or not she sticks to her own promise is irrelevant. When you walk into the bar and she approaches you and smells that you are wearing the same cologne, she will automatically associate you with that ex, and for you, this is a quick trip to the bench. The more exclusive the cologne, the less of a chance there is for this to happen. We recommend Creed cologne (see image). At $270 dollars a bottle, this cologne is a bargain, it is hand made in France, and still more expensive than your average jack-wagon can afford. Plus, it comes in a cool bottle, smells great, and will last forever. We recommend Creed Vetiver or Green Irish Tweed, which was specifically developed for Carry Grant.

One last important note, keep in mind you ought to keep your cologne in its original box to protect it from UV light rays and keep it from away from changes in temperature. Also because it looks more impressive, and displays the fact that you are better than almost everybody else.  Don’t keep cologne in the bathroom where you shower. Light and change of temperature can decrease the shelf life of the cologne and cause it to expire more quickly. If you properly handle your cologne, it should last at least four to five years.

No comments:

Post a Comment